Super super excited to announce that booktuber Sasha Alsberg and I are releasing a serialized space opera this June! Add it on Goodreads now, and get ready for the adventure this June!

I'm so excited. Today, I get to reveal with you the final cover for Balance Keepers #3- The Traitor of Belltroll! This is such a bittersweet moment, because it's the end of a trilogy, but also, the book I'm most proud of in this series. For those who don't know, Balance Keepers was a collaborative project with NYT Bestselling author, Patrick Carman, who helped me develop this series years ago, when I was still a baby baby writer :)

I'm SO excited to reveal with you the GORGEOUSNESS that is this cover! A hint....there's HORSES. FLYING HORSES, GUYS!

Are you ready?!

(I am).

Preorder it now HERE!

Balance Keepers 3 releases on November 8, 2016, in stores and online!

"I want to get published NOW."

"I want to write faster."

"I want to be a bestseller NOW."

"I want an agent NOW."

These are phrases I hear all the time, and ones I've been guilty of saying myself. And when people ask me how to get published fast, or write fast, or sell books fast, I typically give a quick response in which I say that everyone has different ways of measuring success, and no one way is better than any other, and that it takes time to reach our goals and make our dreams come true.

As much as I love helping new writers, I hate when people ask about writing FAST, and getting published FAST, because the truth is, that's not how it should be.

I speak from experience.

And so, today, we're going to talk about slowing down. We're going to talk about the value of taking time to write and hone our craft. We're going to talk about patience.

And to get to that point, we're going to have to take a quick look back at my journey to publication.

I signed my first book contract when I was 19 years old.

Well, truthfully, it was the last day of my 19th year. I wanted to sign the contract before midnight, because as soon as the clock struck 12, I knew I'd no longer be a teenager. And that was always my goal. Be published as a teenager. I'm going to do it, I said, before I turn 20.

And somehow, I actually did.

Most people assume that an author's journey to publication is quick. Easy peasy. You write a book, pounding out the words on the keyboard in a few months' time, and all those words are magic, and then you sit down and think "What publisher do I want to publish this book?" You go to the bookstore, pick up one of your favorite books, see who published it, decide that's the one I want to make me famous! You go home, send them your manuscript, and then, VOILA! They agree to publish you, and then your book hits stores in a few months.

That sounds amazing, right?!

It's not what happens! Let me repeat that---it is NOT how things work! Not in traditional publishing. Ask any author who's signed on that dotted line.

It's a journey---different for every writer and every book---and it takes a crap-ton of time.

At 18, I wrote a book called CHANGED. My first book ever, a dystopian about teens with "magical" abilities, and I'll admit, it was basically The Hunger Games and Divergent with a brand new name on the cover. There was a test to determine personality traits. There were "sectors." There was an arena. There was a girl with a bow.

Katniss became a girl with blonde hair, and Peeta became a guy with brown hair, and wow, it was so bad. You guys. It was AWFUL.

But it was my first book, and my dream was to be able to walk into a Barnes&Noble, see my book on the shelf, in hardcover, and then purchase it. In order to do that, I wanted to go with traditional publishing. That meant finding a literary agent who could help me get there.

So, after I completed this masterpiece of a first novel, (at 125,000 words, which is WAY big for a debut YA book, mind you), I went to a writer's conference in Dallas. There, over one weekend, I met about 8 agents, all of which requested fulls of my manuscript because I charmed them with my elevator pitch that I had slaved over in the weeks leading up to the con.

After it was all over, I was riding high. I couldn't believe I'd just met all these awesome agents. Many authors hold them on a pedestal as the gods who give us the keys to all of our publishing dreams, and many from the con wanted to read MY book! I went home, fixed a few minor plot points, and then I sent it out to the 8 agents who'd requested to read CHANGED.

I got 8 rejections, all within about a month. I specifically remember, after the final agent from the con had rejected my manuscript, that I thought to myself, "What the heck?! They're all stupid. This book is gold."

So I got on a website called Querytracker.net.

I sent out more query letters through email, to every single agent I could find that represented YA science fiction. 112 total agents, to be exact, and who knows if all of them were reputable. I just wanted that contract. I wanted to have an agent SO bad, that it literally hurt. I had just met all these amazing published authors at a conference that had REAL agents! Real contracts!! They had super cool conversations with their super cool agents, and they were totally professional, and I WANTED THAT SO BAD FOR MYSELF.

The wanting was the hardest part, and perhaps the most evil thing for my mental state of mind during that time. Over the course of about 6 months, I got 120 total rejections for CHANGED.

I'd tried everything. I'd revised and resubmitted. (Revising, at the time, meant changing little tiny things again, such as character appearances and a few dialouge lines, and a few settings. Maybe adding in a few more kisses or fight scenes, but nothing deep. Nothing meaningful).

I was crushed. I felt as if someone had ripped my heart from my chest and then, quite literally, crapped all over it. And then lit it on fire. With a Molotov Cocktail.

Writers, if you've experienced rejection, YOU UNDERSTAND THIS PAIN. You understand how it feels to put yourself out there, because each book you write is a part of your heart and soul. And when people reject it...you feel like you've been dumped. By, like, the hottest guy ever.

Later that year, I did end up writing a book called THE MURDER COMPLEX (which sold and is in stores now, yayayayay!). And I did the right thing with that book. Partially. (more on that later!)

But looking back at my journey with CHANGED, I know what I did wrong.

And here is where MOST writers go wrong, too.

So pay attention: here's the kicker.

Writers---we are often far too impatient with our dreams. We don't give ourselves enough time to grow and develop and make sure we're giving it all we've got, because we see that end goal: and many times, we jump through hoops while they're still flaming. We don't give them time to settle and cool before making the leap.

We have dreams too large for our own creative, sensitive hearts, and we want to reach those dreams SO BADLY that we rush, rush, rush, without thinking of the consequences.

For me, the rushing meant that I sent that first book out WAY too fast. I wrote it in a flurry of inspiration and excitement and dreams. I sent it to a few friends to read, did teeny tiny edits over the course of a week, and then tossed it out into the abyss.

I didn't take TIME.

I didn't edit enough. I didn't slow down. I didn't put away my book, let my head clear, and then come back to look at it with an editor's eye. I overlooked the importance of patience, of honing my craft. When I finally wrote THE MURDER COMPLEX, (and later, BALANCE KEEPERS, my Middle Grade fantasy series), I spent time on them. I made sure they were good, before sending them to my agent. I made sure they were books that would make more than just my mother proud. They reflected my soul.

I took time with these books---but then, once it was time for the sequels to be turned in to my editors at Harper--- the rushing came back.

I'm admitting that now. I'll write more on that later, but the point of this post is that I'm guilty of sprinting side by side with you. Since I was 19, I've done this. I've run this race so fast that I've burnt out, run out of steam, and now I'm picking up the pieces. Slowly.

Take away this, from Part One:

Writing, getting published, and ensuring that you have a long, successful carrer is not a sprint.

It's a marathon.

And if we learn to slow down, the real dream, the one that ends with success, actually comes faster than we may realize.

Stay tuned for next week, when I write Part 2.

It's 2016! And that means, after a long, long sleep, publishing has finally woken up again. Which also means, I can no longer use the excuse of "Its the holidays and I'm too busy stuffing my face to finish up my blog series I promised you all."

So, without further ado...I give you Part Two.

Last time, I talked about how my life leading up to NOW, in terms of writing and publishing, has always been rush, rush, rush. (If you haven't done so yet, I encourage you to read PART ONE of this mini series. You can do so by clicking right here.)

I talked about how all I ever wanted was to reach my dreams and complete my goals without the waiting part. Because, dude...I hate waiting. Like, I want to stab waiting with a fork. I'm naturally a very impatient person, and this is something I'm working on and probably will for years to come. Which is why it makes me laugh that I chose to go the long, often seemingly "on pause" route of Traditional Publishing.

REWIND: Years ago, when I graduated high school, I had TONS of dreams for myself, and instead of going off and accomplishing those dreams, I got incredibly sick with major Chronic Fatigue. I didn't go to college because of it. I lost out on music dreams for my life, and in turn, spent several years going through surgeries, doctor visits, test after test on my body, and a LOT of laying in bed or on the couch binge-watching LOST and Doctor Who (those last two things were ALL OF THE AWESOME).

Long story short, I got hooked on writing because of that illness, and during that time, I learned that PUBLISHING IS SLOW. Painfully slow, yall. It took me years to get to where I am, and so many times I wanted to quit, but I've always told myself that quitting is weakness.

Quitting is giving in to a world that we should be fighting back against with all of our might (I stole that quote from THE MURDER COMPLEX, but it's my book, so I don't have to cite it hehe).

So, to quote myself from last week: TAKE TIME TO HONE YOUR CRAFT. I cannot stress this enough.

This is the HUGELY IMPORTANT thing I'm learning, and the most incredible life changing thing for my writing in the past several months.

I wrote a post a few months ago, about what's next for me. About how, after signing 2 book deals with Harpercollins, and after having 5 books released in stores....nothing is happening.

Right now, I can look back on myself at 18 and I know that I've come so far...but it's at a standstill. The books are written. The release parties have happened. It's all over. Okay, so I do have my final BALANCE KEEPERS book releasing in September, but after that?! An endless abyss, my friends. The end of a trilogy. The end of money in my pocket, the end of being relevant in the book world. The end of showing up, and saying "Hi, I'm Lindsay Cummings, and I'm an AUTHOR!" Because without new book deals, how can I say that? How can I be ME?!

The truth is, it's all in the writing. I'm still me without the deals. I'm just a little less financially steady, a little more melodramatic, and lets be honest...I'm back to that old me, with a dream burning in my soul and a desperation to reach out and grab a hold of it.

REWIND AGAIN: In early 2015, I started writing new stuff. I hammered out new words in record time, determined to get a book finished quickly so that I could pass it off to my agent, and she could magically sell it, and suddenly I'd be looking at a future in writing again.

STOP. DID YOU CATCH IT? THE BIG, UGLY MISTAKE I MADE IN 2015?

Let's zero in on it:

I rushed. Just like I always do.

I started writing a book with characters that finally spoke to me, and begged to be written. I wrote, fast. I edited, fast. I was doing so with confidence, and in those moments, I truly felt like I was taking my time.

But here's the deal. Time feels different when you're looking at it with an eager eye. I was so afraid not to have new book deals, and so afraid of the future without a shiny new Big Publishing Contract in my hands, that I literally fooled myself into thinking I was being patient, and working slow and smart, on my next big project.

I was taking my time, in a sense, and I was proud of my work. But I was still doing this all with a goal in mind. "I HAVE to get this to my agent by THIS DATE, so that it can hopefully sell by THIS DATE, and then be released by THIS DATE, because if I wait too long, I'LL HAVE TO WAIT EVEN LONGER for the next book deal after that!"

See?

Rushing.

It's an illness for me, I swear.

I wrote 1/4 of a book. I sent it off to a trusted editor, who helped me make some changes, and then in a few weeks' time, I sent it off to my agent. I didn't hear back. I freaked out. I may have made my poor agent mad, but she already knows I'm crazy after 5 years with me, and that's why I love having her on my team. She got back to me, we talked about my dreams for this book, and then she sent it out on proposal (this is something that can be done, typically after you've already had book deals in the past, and are no longer a debut author).

Months passed. 6 months. 7 months. Now, we're sitting at 8 or 9, but who's counting? :) Lots of editors are "reading" it, but we've had a few come back and say they can't buy the book now, but they would LOVE to see more of it when I have it...

And so, here we are.

This fall, I broke down. I realized that I can't make dreams a reality if I'm not putting quality work into people's hands. And so I didn't write for a while. I studied writing. I read blog posts and watched videos and interviews with authors whose work I admire. I got a notebook, and scribbled about the book, and what I wanted to add to it...and then, after several months of letting the idea sit...I finally gave myself permission to start working again.

I let go of the rushing.

I started writing. I started seeing this world change, and these characters grow, and I realized, HOLY CRAP---I think THIS is now the book I've always wanted it to be. THIS DRAFT is really the one that I am so eager to share with editors and publishers, and though it hasn't changed much (ie: what the editors have already seen), it has grown.

It's 150 pages instead of 60. New characters. New settings. I've discovered a new angle in which to tell this story, and I LOVE IT.

And I regret, so incredibly much, sending this book off before now. Because even though I thought I was taking my time, and being smart, deep down, I knew I wasn't. I knew I just wanted it NOW.

How foolish we can be, when we're blinded by WANT. By jealousy for other authors, who are getting deals left and right, and we're sitting here thinking "Why not me?!"

It is my true and honest belief that God has a timing that is not in line with ours.

It is also my true and honest belief that I have a really freaking thick skull, and it's only just now starting to make sense to me that no matter how mush I try to rush things, they won't happen until God says they will.

Maybe you don't believe in God. Maybe you believe in something else, or nothing at all, but the bottom line is this:

There is value in taking time.

In trusting the process.

In letting go.

If you're writing a book, and you're desperate to land that perfect agent, or get that amazing book deal, or even just to send it off to your friends to read...stop. Stop it right there, friend, and take a deep breath. Back away from the book. Take two weeks off. Take a month off. Read books that are completely different from the one you've just finished writing. Or read ones that are similar, and make sure your characters and ideas are unique and fresh. Make sure every sentence counts. Make sure you keep that dream alive in your head but don't send that book out until it's ready. When you won't have any regrets or doubts about this scene or that line of dialogue, or that major plot point.

Sit down, and tell yourself, "If I send this book out NOW, or in 3 months....will it really matter? Will it really make a huge difference?"

A good book has an OK chance of selling or landing an agent. A great book, completely polished and ready to take on the world, will turn heads.

Forget about WHEN your dreams will happen. Work hard, and keep your head down, and trust the process. Don't get lazy or unproductive, but don't put the pressure of reaching the goal over the joy that should come with getting words on the page, getting lost in a world, and then coming back later with fresh eyes to weave together all the little extra, sparkly threads that turn a story into something truly real.

It's great to dream. But it's so much better when you don't darken that dream with the dreadful NOW.

I'm going to take time, from here on out. I'm going to slow down, and love writing without the pressure of NOW.

The question is...will you?

It's been awhile, since I've posted anything here or on YouTube, and my Instagram feed has been full of a bunch of random pictures, and nothing really in depth for you guys at all.

And here's why.

Writing is hard. Life has taken some crazy turns, and writing, as a career, is even harder when life takes those turns. I write full-time, as many of you know. Partly that is due to my health, but partly because Harpercollins took a chance on me, and gave me two book deals that changed my entire life!

That means I'm at home (or traveling to events or schools), trying to get the words on the page in order to make something new. It's amazing, but after awhile, that's tough.

By "after awhile", I mean the fact that I have now completed both of my series with Harpercollins. THE MURDER COMPLEX ended when THE DEATH CODE (book 2) came out this May, and now I have finally turned in the final book of the BALANCE KEEPERS trilogy, and the 3rd and final book of that one comes out September 2017. ***cue brain exploding***

It's an incredible feeling! Literally, incredible, to know that I've finished up 5 books with my dream publishing house, and by September of next year, they will all be in stores and all said and done. It was SOOO hard to get here (120 rejection letters, 9 months on submission, tons of no-no-no-it's not for us-no-no-no, until finally, finally a YES!), and I am so proud of my journey.

But now, it's ending. At least, the journey that I know is ending. And here's where it gets a little complicated.

I have amazing fans, amazing readers, and I love you guys all so much, and now that my YA series is done, and my MG is nearly done, you have all been asking me the same question: What's next?!

The answer is...tough.

The answer is that sometimes, being a writer, even after being published, still means getting rejected.

The truth:

I wrote the book of my heart, several months ago, before Christmas. It's called NEXUS, and it's a book that is YA, and dark, and fun, and differnet, and sort of like a mashup of scifi and fantasy, and wow, I love it. I love it so much that when I reread it in the dead of night, because I'm awake thinking about the characters and the story...I feel inspired to write all over again.

I come alive with that stupid, silly little book that stole my heart.

And then there's a YA fantasy book that's in the works, and I love that book so much too. I wrote the first draft right after THE MURDER COMPLEX sold (it was called RAVEN back then), and man, it sucked so bad..but I loved it. I really did, and now, I have a notebook full of ideas, and rewrites, and I can't wait to dive back in and fix it and make it shine. And then of course, there's a new Middle Grade book called GENESIS, that's been eating at my brain, full of fantasy and creatures and fun and a Sand Wolf and a really evil villain...

There are so many ideas, and so many opportunities, and so much hope and so much fear...

It's been since May, and NEXUS hasn't sold. For months, I've been sititng on hope. Hoping that it would sell, and I'd be able to do this awesome post saying "OH MY GOSH LOOK AT WHAT IS NEXT!" But now it's time to be open and honest, because you, my readers, deserve that truth. You've been asking, and I haven't answered.

I'll be brief in saying that my dream publisher passed on this new book. And that took a LONG time to get over. It wasn't because the book sucked. I think it's not half bad, actually :) It took SO long to get right, and wow, was it hard to get out of the MURDER COMPLEX world, and in to something entirely unique and new.

It's just because it wasn't meant to go to Harpercollins. God is guiding my career path, and Dude, I love you, but what are you doing up there? What direction are you pushing me to go?

I'm sure of that now, that I don't control my own fate, that God is guiding my hand and my path, and I trust him, I really truly do....

But I'm a human. I'm a creative human who gets anty and angsty and dramatic and depressed, and currently, NEXUS is out floating around in the world of submission, aimlessly trying to find a home. And please, little book, find that home, please.

My husband and I have struggled financially. We've just recently moved into the country with his family, into a house full of 9 crazy, lovely people, because as a writer (and a youth pastor's wife!), you don't make a ton of money if you aren't selling new books. See the issue here?

It's scary. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I'm lucky to be living my dream. But I want to keep living it, and I want to keep signing books and inspiring other writers to strive, always, to reach their goals, and I want this career to last so bad that it hurts and it keeps me up at night, and some days, I find it hard to breathe wondering why isn't this happening? Why are my book deals over and done, and why can't I be good enough to keep pumping out books for my readers, and why and why and why and...

Today, I stop asking why.

Today, I tell myself that every writer has a journey. It's hard when that journey comes to a halt for a while, but I know in my heart it's not over.

Today, I promise you all that I won't quit.

Today, I become that 19-year-old girl again, who so desperately wanted to get published that she'd do anything. And she would never, never quit.

If this book doesn't sell (come on NEXUS, just sell!!) I'll write another. And if that book doesn't sell, I'll write another after it. I'll keep going, and someday, by God's good grace, I'll get another book out in the world! And dadgum, I'll make it good.

I don't know when it'll happen. I can hope, and dream, and pray that it'll be soon, (tomorrow? tonight?)...

But something will come, Readers. It will, because I won't quit if you won't, and when it does happen, when I finally get to sign my name on a publishing contract again, it's going to taste so sweet. I'm probably going to cry, and wonder why the heck it took so long, and I'm probably going to be super annoying on the internet, and heck, I could be 70 when it happens, old and gray and still trying to pump out stories with hopes that the world will want them.

But today, I have finally have an answer to your question.

What's next?

Something. Something is next.

And I hope you guys will still be there, excited and ready, to join me when it comes.

-Lindsay